Reading by Osmosis

Well-

Mark Twain, Hart Crane,
and Ursula K. LeGuin-
We've mastered their books with a difficult trick:
We've read them outside in.

Percy B. Sheley and Machiavelli
and Norman Vincent Peale-
We've  never tried opening one of their books.
We know them by their feel

Does reading seem boring? Does reading seem hard?
Does reading seem to ferocious?
Then pick up a book and just give it a twirl.
You'll learn it by osmosis.

Because-

Osmosis is the mostest.
Osmosis is the best.
Osmosis is the closest thing to reading without rest.

Osmosis means absorbing.
Osmosis means so much.
Osmosis means we're soaking up the books we barely touch.

          Harriet Beecher Stowe,
          and Henry David Thoreau,
          and Daniel Defoe,
          and Jacques Rousseau,
          and, oh,
          hundreds of others we know-

We bobble, bounce, and throw them.
We never even look.
Osmosis means we know them without them without opening a book.

You know-

My sister osmoted The Mill on the Floss,
a wonderful book, and gave us a gloss:
concerning a man named John Stuart Mill
with terrible teeth that made him quite ill.
why-oh, why-wouldn't he floss.

My brother osmoted The Lord of the Rings,
a story of insects with thousands of wings-
or was that a book called The Lord of the Flies?
Oh well, we're getting wise
by learning the things that osmosis now brings.

We'll juggle the books Little Women and Men
(they're all about dwarves in a mountainy den)
and throw in a copy of Watership Down
(concerning a boat and some sailors who drown),
and then-we'll run to the bookstore again.

But first-

Let's have a lesson from Doktor Derzenna,
who comes here all the way from Vienna
to teach us the meaning of difficult things:

"Ach, vell, now ve begin-

         Osmooosis, zis ist meaning
         zat vhen two zings are leaning,
         ze one on ze other tries to sneak.
       
        Ze liquid on ze right,
        zrough membranes overnight,
        vill to ze left most definitely leak.

        Vhile coming here I sat
        on dictionaries fat
        und learned all zis by riding on ze book!

        But if you have neurosis,
        mine genius ist hypnosis.
        You vill mine eyes most deeply look."

Ummmm-

Neurosis, hypnosis, psychoses, meiosis:
lovely words, in their way.
Cirrhosis, necrosis, and also thrombosis:
pleasing, but harder to say.

And atrocious prognosis of misdiagnosis
for aches of precocious sclerosis-
but words will find their apotheosis
remains the great osmosis.

We boast! We Boast!
         Osmosis is the most
                      phenomenal way
                                 to read today
                                           while eating jam and toast!

We shout! We plead!
         Osmosis we will need
                   for playing jacks
                                and munching snacks
                                             and dancing while we read!

So-

Rebecca West and Elgar Guest:
             We'll never be certain which one is best.
Christopher Smart and Jean-Paul Sartre:
             Just think of the wonders they have to impart.
Poets of genius like Julia Moore
             and William McGonagall call for a roar.
William Shakespeare-Edward de Vere:
             the difference isn't entirely clear.
John Donne and Thom Gunn:
            osmoting them both is a gallon of fun.

Somerset Maugham and L. Frank Baum,
           Josiah Royce and James Joyce,
                       John Bunyan and Damon Runyon,
                                    Graham Greene and Molly Keane,
                                    Tom Pain and Ed Mcbain,
                      Ring Lardner and John Gardener,
          Alice Munro and Arthur Rimbaud,
and, oh, hundreds of others we know.

Because-

Osmosis is the mostest.
Osmosis is the best.
Osmosis is the closest thing to reading without rest.

Osmosis means absorbing.
Osmosis means so much.
Osmosis means we're soaking up the books we barely touch.

We hold them to our noses.
We brush them with our clothes.
We're learning by osmosis when we tap them with our toes.

We pile them on the table.
We slide them on the floor.
We stack them into stairways and we climb up for some more.

We bobble, bounce, and throw them.
We never even look.
Osmosis means we know them without opening a book.


By Joseph Bottum editor of First Things magazine

                                                                                                   ~posted by Felix: ScriptWyme